Strange Dreams

As of late I have been having some odd dreams and I don't know what any of them mean. One dream was that I got back with an ex of mine-one where things ended badly, VERY BADLY. (I don't want him to know where to find me kind of badly). Not only were we back together, but we had just gotten married and we were talking about having a baby. YES, A BABY!  In any event, we discussed a plan so I could conceive and he suggested taking out my IUD. I thought this was A GREAT IDEA. Anyway, I was all so excited to have his baby. We even planned on having his friend who is a complete leech and waste of flesh who owes everyone money act as the Godfather.

Then I realized what I had done. I WAS HAVING HIS BABY!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!! I HATED MYSELF BUT NOT THAT MUCH! I panicked at the bad decision I saw myself making. Not only was I ruining my life, but creating a mutant who had no chance. So I woke up screaming, but then clamed down once I realized my IUD was where it was supposed to be and my uterus unpolluted by his damaged DNA.  So then I got a glass of water, went to sleep, and had an okay dream I really can't remember.

The next strange dream I had was set in the back of a chapel. I was getting ready to get married. In any event, I was given a wedding gift by the grooms mother. It was an old antique purse filled with Bubble Yum. I was told it was their family tradition that the bride must chew bubble gum. So I put this bubble gum in my mouth and it was really thick and sticky. I tried to open it, but it was so thick and sticky I could barely chew it. Then I had three dresses to pick from. The first was this beautiful form fitting dress. The second was a nightmare of lace, and the third was nice and ivory. In any event, I picked the first but there was no time to get changed. A wedding was being had. So they pushed me down the aisle in my street clothes towards this husband who from far away looked non-descript.

Then I woke up like WTF?! Yes, like what the freak just happened?! I'm not seeing anyone. No hell no way. And wow, just wow. Either way, it was a relief to still be single in real time.

The final weird dream was that I was 11 years old and was doing gymnastics again. It was hot and the Olympics were on TV and we were all following them that summer. So here we were in the gym, and I had just mastered my half twist. I was doing a perfect routine, and even did a perfect layout on the tumble track. However, I had forgotten to bring my water. Yes, my freaking water. And the worst part was, I didnt know where to get any water. My instructors were clueless as to assist me, because we had trampoline next and that was their big priority.

All of a sudden I start coughing violently. I can't breathe but we have to go to trampoline next. I needed to make it to trampoline. But I had to get to trampoline BUT I COULDN'T BREATHE!!!!!!!!!!! HELP ME!!!!!

And then I wake up coughing and get some water.

So who knows what any of this means.........Sigh. Maybe it is that a lot of my friends are having kids and said ex has been coming up quite a bit on convo. Maybe it is my sister's wedding. Maybe it has been watching gymnastics on youtube. Either way, these dreams are spooky. Sigh.

Love
April 

New Year's Blog

This is day two of the New Year. I should be more excited but I'm not. Instead I am drained and poised for disappointment. It's sort of a weird time of year. Christmas is over, Thank God. There is so much stress leading to the holiday. Family drama is at a maximum. I can't take it. No one can. Of course we had Christmas this year at my parents house in Pittsburgh. Don't get me wrong, it was wonderful. But because we had a bunch of people-my dad is the second of seven and my mom the first of six-we spent days cooking , cleaning and decorating tirelessly. Of course I was coming off of a stressful month and a half. The fact this was the first Christmas without my mom's parents was painful. They both passed this year.

Yes, I was on what I lovingly refer to as a work bender. I kind of have some producer duties on a certain project and felt like I was kind of called to save Christmas. I also had some opportunities present themselves with my writing which were cool, as well as my comedy and ventriloquism. I hear about all these things and more in the New Year. I will find out if I sink or swim. This should be exciting but I am shaking in my boots. Actually, I am terrified if sinking. I have worked so hard and there are so many factors.

There is kind of a darkness that descends this time of year. It's because it has no personality. Christmas is over, and Valentines Day, curse it, isn't for another month. It's just cold and dreary. I have been in the sink and swim spot before. It was 2009. I remember things were coming together. I had been on national television three times. I opened for Aretha Franklin's concert. I filmed a pilot. And then it all seemed to stall. The telegrams dried up and I was paying in my pocket change. I ended up working a promo job outside a TV studio I had entered only months before. It was the soggiest, grossest, most humiliating stale piece of humble pie ever. And now I am at this crossroads again. Will I be able to cross or be detained by the boatman?

Since that time the thought of a New Year has frightened me. To top it off I got a horrific letter yesterday. It was hateful and this dude called me a bunch of names. Because he was so vile I went to block him. He had posted a KKK avatar on his page. By the way, he is Spanish which makes this funny and he said I said nasty things about Spanish people. Aside from being alarmed at some of his other pictures showing women being raped and his status updates saying hateful things about black people, I thought his KKK affiliation was ironic. When the guys who wear white robes with the Nazi symbol in the middle speak of "mud people" they mean anyone brown, Latinos included. (Note: These morons have no teeth so if you are a person of color don't take them seriously ever.)  Yes, the KKK doesn't like you if you ain't a white Protestant. His level of hate and ignorance was alarming, especially since he was the most ironic recruit ever. So basically it was okay for be to use the n word, joke about raping women, but I can't make jokes about Latinos and whites. (He used the n word several times on his page. This whole thing was bizzare). Aside from being hateful and ignorant, this was the most ironic recruit ever. But the images he had on his profile of women being assaulted and the jokes under it were disgusting and absolutely creepy. Enough to upset me so I couldn't sleep.

I tried going to sleep and had a nightmare. I dreamed that I was leaving the gym and driving-dream cause I dont drive-and was pulled over. I had a hearing in front of this judge who started out by telling me that she was a fan. And then she went on my facebook, didn't like my status update, and sentenced me to 40 years in jail. The dream was so vivid as my father was trying to petition for my appeal and I was crying. My cellmate beat me up and then I woke up. Thank God. No prison and no evil judge with a beehive hair do.

I did what I do when I always wake up from a bad dream. I looked around, made sure I was okay, and then remembered it was Thursday. Kickboxing. So I went to the gym and kicked some ironic KKK and evil beehive woman ass. To a better New Year.

Love
April
I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
www.aprilbrucker.com