Twenty-Six

I was at Skipper and Wendell's graduation when I met their friend Johnny. Hanging out in Providence's Hope Club, Johnny mentioned it was his birthday. That Friday had been Wendell's birthday making them both born under the sign of Gemini. This makes sense. Wendell's specialty will be working with adolescent kids who suffer from eating disorders, addiction, and a host of other things. In addition, while it was a surprise because he was a former football player, Wendell worked with transgender teens and enjoyed the experience. He also lectures on the dangers of child abuse. Wendell's lectures are so entertaining they often don't want him to stop. While this was a surprise at the time it shouldn't have been. Wendell is a people person. He is funny, outgoing, and extroverted. Wendell has never been afraid to be himself. Most Gemini's are not.

Johnny was having a slight quarter life crisis because he was the big 2-6. He mentioned has his beautiful wife Leah sat there that he counted gray hairs on his head. I laughed. I remembered feeling the exact same way when I crossed the that mark in my life. Then I remembered how much fun that age had been. I was literally on national television every week. I was hosting a web show on the internet. My music was on the radio on the internet. And I had my very first publishing contract. Not to mention I was recognized on the street for the very first time. At the big 2-6 I learned the lesson of not limiting myself.

That is when I told Johnny how much fun I had at that age, and how he should look forward to aging. Johnny is a brilliant idea person who is currently using his medical knowledge in an independent business venture to help others. Like many Gemini's, he is creative, smart, and funny. I told him that at twenty six he would come into his own, and would shake off the molting skin from his earlier twenties. At twenty six I told him I saw the work from my earlier twenties begin to pay off. That he should look forward to each approaching year because it meant the coming and dawning of more new adventures.

Yesterday I wished I could have been around to take my own advice. I was totally not where my feet where when it came to my head. After receiving the shiteous news about my book signing event and the technicality that prevented me from achieving my goal, I just wanted to run into someone as an excuse to deck them. I ended up in Norwalk, CT where I delivered a telegram. Going back to the train station, I crossed the street and was almost run over several times by the worst drivers ever. There is something about New England drivers that makes me nervous. In Rhode Island it is worse, not only do they break traffic laws, but when they see a pedestrian they drive faster. It was the same in Norwalk. When you cross into NE, expect some terrible driving. Move over Asian driver stereotype, meet the New England drivers.

As I was unintentionally playing chicken with the cars, I remembered my boss from the web channel. I often said the universe spoke through this man. Once when I was green in my activism I had a blow up with an ex con over the fact that the accused have too many rights. After my meltdown my boss called me and said that sometimes my problem was I didnt let things go. Life was too short and sometimes you had to laugh it off.

I always thank God for my guy friends, gay or straight. Men tend to see the bigger picture. Women always concentrate on the minute details and we drive ourselves crazy. Maybe that is why it has taken women so long to advance. It's not that we aren't smart, we are very bright and more so than men. Hell, any dude with half a brain and is confident in his stride will agree. It's that we sweat the small stuff. However it is easy to arrive in that head space where I am the worst writer ever. No one wants to read my book. I suck. I am unfunny.

Just then I saw a Dunkin Donuts. I figured it was time for a frozen drink. It was hot outside and I figured it was Colatta time. So I ordered a Colatta. Then I called a friend to cry. Let me tell you I felt loads better. I got on the wrong side of the track and missed my train. But it gave me time to cool off and get my head together. I got back to Manhattan and met some friends. On my way I saw an old friend from college and told him all about my book. Yes, my book. The land of the written word. I am F. Scott Fitzgerald meets David Sedaris in my mind. My former classmate was impressed. Suddenly I began to feel better. I wasn't a complete waste as a person let alone a writer.

Then I saw Arianna Huffington's video of her commencement speech to Smith College. I have never been about these things, I didnt even walk at my own. I had finished in December and was working. But in her speech she spoke about the importance of sleep and how at the Huffington Post she had nap rooms. So I went to sleep and slept like ten hours. And how I am recharged. Ms. Huffington also spoke about redefining the metric of success. I know I put a lot of pressure on myself. It is hard not to as a woman. Sometimes I have to realize there is more to April Brucker than the reality star, comedian, ventriloquist, writer, and singer. Still it is hard, really hard.

This morning because it is hot I decided to go to the pool. On my way I saw an old friend. When I was twenty four I worked as a flier person for a strip club with his bestie. We talked. Twenty-four was one of the lowest points of my life. I was out of money, going no where, and the career was stalled. I spoke to him for a few minutes and he was really impressed when he found out about my book. I felt good. It always feels good to laugh with an old friend. In that covo, I realized how far I had come since that time. This week so many people have told me how proud they are of me. Whether it is my boss telling me no matter how famous I get I still must deliver telegrams. Or my sound engineer Archie who can use dope and many moons effectively in a sentence. Oh and in there are some of my fans pushing my book.

As I continued my journey to the pool I began to realize at twenty six I experienced what is known as Amazon Feminism, doing and living in the absence of a man. At twenty six I was on my own for the first time in forever and paying my own way. I didnt need a guy. I think that is when the chip on my shoulder that took steroids that turned into a cinderblock began. Some of it is being a career woman, choosing to make this my entire life and not have the husband or the family like many of my former female classmates are. Some of it is the stubbornness of going a path that is dark, uncertain, and unsure and for the first time seeing results.

I also discovered how much fun the pool at my gym was at twenty six. While I have plenty of friends in the free weight area, the people in the pool are happy. It's because they can swim, talk, laugh, and lay of the sun deck.

Then I remembered my boss from the internet channel talking to me, at twenty six. I was green in my activism and got into another one of my spats. As usual, he was stuck telling me it wasn't that serious. Then I realized that it wasn't that serious. This wasn't a road block but a temporary traffic jam. My publisher is currently on it. At that moment it hit me, there were two lessons that twenty six taught me. One, sometimes you need to go back to basics. Two, sometimes you need to cool off.

And that is when I dove into the pool.

Love

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Paperback available on Amazon and 877-Buy-Book
E-Book available on Kindle and Nook
Audiobook available on itunes and Audible this Spring
www.youtube.com/aprilthestarr
Portion of proceeds go to Greenpeace

Prince and Pauper Moments

In show business it is a life of extremes. One night you are on television performing for four million people. Then the next night you are in a basement performing for four people who speak no English. It is just the way it is. I remember seeing one guy on Conan and the next week he was back to the grind hitting a mic and then getting ready to do a show. It was pretty cool actually. Or then I saw Kristin Schaal on the street and we ended up chatting. She was headed to an audition. Only days before did I see her on the big screen in the movie theatre.

I have had moments like that in my life and my world. The first was a number of years ago I was working a promotional job. The night before I had been a part of a show at StandUp NY. It had been an incredible evening because Nick DiPaolo had stopped in as well as Dustin Ybarra (Congrats man!). Anyway, the show was one of the most successful at the club and basically as a result I got VIP treatment. So the night before had been awesome, especially since JD Shapiro, writer of Robin Hood: Men in Tights had been a guest judge. Well the next day I was doing promos. It was cold out and I was not feeling so good. Plus this girl next to me was just running her mouth about nothing. Next thing I know this woman passes and says to me, "I saw you last night. You were very funny." I asked her how she recognized me. She smiled and replied, "I recognized your voice. Let us know when you are performing next."

The second prince and pauper moment would come months later when I was performing on the street in Brooklyn. My puppet children and I were doing our thing when I was approached by someone who asked, "Were you on Rachael Ray?" I said yes. She said, "You and your girl were very funny. Fuck Jerry Springer." It made me feel McAwesome to say the least.

Another moment like that was when I had three dollars to my name. I was hanging out with my friends and another buddy was there. He was a construction worker and big comedy fan. Anyway another one of my friends mentioned she performed comedy and all. This dude asked what I did and my friend said, "She has a puppet." That's when the dude did a double take and asked, "Your puppet looks like you, right?" I said yes and laughed. And then I had a picture I showed him. This guy said, "I recognize that puppet. You were on Last Comic a few years ago, right?" I was like yes, wowsa!

Of course then there was the commercial for Jeff Foxworthy. I didnt even know I made the cut until I was headed to the ATM and discovered I had fifty cents to my name. After I discovered a surprise twenty dollars in my pocket I was brainstorming on ways to live off of it. Anyway, I decided to hit the gym in order to deck something before I spent my money. That's when the folks at my gym were like, "We saw you on TV with Jeff Foxworthy. That was so funny. We were like, 'We know her!'" Needless to say I felt better. Not to mention I booked a McAwesome job the next day.

I wouldnt have one of those for the next eighteen months but 2011 were full of them. Walking down the street my puppet children and I were recognized, most often when I was headed to deliver a telegram. Of course my vids got me recognized as well. But one time I was delivering a telegram. I had waited in the cold and my hands were freezing off. It was for an Italian American family, tough as they say. Anyway, after I delivered the lady was like, "You are the puppet girl." I was like yeah. She said, "You should do that. You are really good. You have a gift for them." AWESOME!

Of course the best was when I was using a restroom on the road and it was sort of run down. Anyway I was finishing my business and these two ladies were talking about "that puppet girl from TLC." I was like wowsa, I hope they don't see me here. I have no makeup and this is a rundown public restroom. I mean, I wouldnt have minded, but if we are going to do a photo lets do it somewhere that SKANK isnt written on the wall.

The other day I was doing a show and was talking to a lady beforehand. She asked if I had ever been on TV and I said yes. Then she said she knew she had seen/heard me somewhere because she recognized my voice. I told her the same thing happened to me at a friend's birthday party where his friends recognized my voice as well. Then we joked that I better not prank call anyone. *call back!*

Of course the last two days have been full of Prince and the Pauper Moments. I went to the drug store and saw a product that I did the publicity for via internet in the early days with my puppet babies. Anyway, I got to deliver a Marilyn Monroe telegram to the CEO of Barnes and Noble. The contact was the person who was in charge of Nook Books. Well there is this book on Barnes and Noble.com and Nook that is called I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl.

So that is the hi diddly dee, an actor's life for me. Yes, it is Prince and Pauper. One of these days I dream of seeing myself on television, but first I have to get the money to buy one. One of these days I will lay in a big ol' Queen Sized bed but I have to have the money to buy one too. Not to mention I will arrive in the limo as well, bright pink. Oh shit, that costs money too. Damn, well there are people who think I have these things. Well I am flattered. I have these things in my mind.That is the first step.

Love
April
I Came, I Saw, I Sang:Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Paperback 877-Buy-Book, Amazon.com
Ebook Kindle and Nook
Audiobook available in Spring 2013
Portion of proceeds go to RAINN

Marty's House

Yesterday I got a call from my boss Bruce. I love Bruce but sometimes Bruce wears himself out. The other day he forgot to turn off the phone and a woman called him at an odd hour requesting a singing telegram. Well Bruce, being woken from his slumber, told her to call back during regular business hours. Being a proprietor and someone who wants the best for his business and his customers, he felt terribly. So he had me call her back.

Before I did it I was like, "Wow Bruce, this is a GREAT way to start off my promotion." On the other hand though, Bruce had probably worked himself to death in a Virgo frenzy and was getting a minute of sleep. Plus he might not have meditated, which sets my favorite high strung show tune singing boss off track. Needless to say when I called the woman she was quite nice though, and excited. I figured everyone was tired and we all just needed to try again. It happens with us all.

She explained the telegram was for her friend and they were on a film set. Yes, film set. I asked which film, and she said Wolf of Wall Street with Leonardo DiCaprio and directed by Martin Scorsese. I was like, "WOW!!!!" She explained they were on location, were set to wrap tomorrow, and the woman would have the next day off so they were celebrating the party that evening. I was like sweet.

I called Bruce back with the news. Bruce was excited it had been booked. No harm, no foul. I explained they were on a film set and had been working all night. I have worked on film sets and have done stand up in the clubs which translates to some late nights. And I always make the mistake of assuming everyone is up. My friend Kelly works as a makeup artist and routinely calls me late. It goes with the territory. When I dated Dimsdale he preferred to hang out later because of his years as a working comedian in the night clubs, he is a night man. We all make that mistake.

I ended up going to Westchester to the White Plains station. A van picked me up. The driver, a man by the name of Ray, was all business. When I went up to the van in a very official tone he asked, "Wolf of Wall Street?" I replied that this was correct and off we went. I thanked him for coming to get me and he just nodded. Usually, I get along well with my drivers. This one was a hard nut to crack however. He asked me why I chose White Plains. I was told there were more trains there. He said that there was another station closer. I knew the station he mentioned but the trains werent as plentiful and plus it ran on the local line, YUCK! Anyway, he asked what scene I was in and thats when I told him my deal. Immediately Ray lit up and informed me that there was food, lots of food, and a nice spread. While he didnt want to get my hopes up the Teamster informed me that perhaps I could sneak some.

YUMMMMMMYYYYYY!!!!!!!!

When I got to the set I was greeted by my client-Alison- and was camping out in the production trailer. She told me that if we accidentally bumped into Lisa, the woman I was singing to, I was to say that I was her friend from Holy Cross where she went to school. I could live with that. Two assistants entered the trailer. I was ready with my story but then Alison explained I was the chicken. Cool.

We went down to the general dining area where I was hidden in the back. The entire time they were running back and fourth giving gifts to people. Apparently these were rap gifts. "Could you give me a bigger men's size for Jonah?" One of the assistants asked.

Jonah as in Jonah Hill? Yes, it was. Apparently he had left for the day and was coming in the next day. Running back and fourth because they were rapping the next day everyone was in a hurry. Bags were being organized and lots of work was being done. The crew, a nice little community, had all been on the project since the beginning. They had bonded and were glad tomorrow was the last day-they even told me so.

As I was camped out one lady asked, "Is this the singing chicken?" They told her I was and she said, "Oh, did someone tell Marty?"

"Yes, Marty knows about this." Another woman replied.

"Is Marty coming?" The first lady asked. She looked beat from the sixteen hour days they had been putting in.

"No, he has things to do before we rap." She explained. "But he got a kick out of the idea and said it sounded very cute and funny."

My mouth dropped open. "THE MARTY!" I exclaimed trying to hide my utter excitement. While the Marty could not attend, he knew I was coming.

"Yes." The second woman smiled. "The Marty."

I apologized and said I wasn't used to Martin Scorsese being referred to as Marty. He had directed the Godfather, Casino, and Goodfellas, three of my favorites of all time. Not to mention he also directed After Hours, not only one of my comedy films but the most unsung of this genius's work because yes, he could do comedy. Not to mention I had just seen Cape Fear with Robert DeNiro for the first time after seeing the original, and the remake was just as good which is rare. The man was Mr. Scorcese, the man was Martin, or Mr. Martin Scorsese. But Marty? Marty was the guy down the block. Marty was not the name of a genius who's work included Taxi Driver and who changed the face of cinema forever.

On the other hand, Marty gave him a humanity. I guess having been a fan of his work for so long I never equated him wit being a person. And he was a person. My friend Kelly said he was on faculty at NYU but wasn't there as much as they felt he should have been because he was working, and would have a TA teach while he appeared to lecture. They fired him and he went to Columbia where his schedule was better understood. Marty was a person, just a busy one.

As I waited for them to wrap I wikied Marty on my iphone. He had gone to NYU grad school for film. I had gone to NYU Tisch as well. As a kid he had asthma and was terrible at sports so he fell in love with old movies. A fan of Hitchcock, as a homage to his hero all of his leading ladies wear white. I am an old movie and Hitchcock fan. I looked to see his astrological sign. His birthday is November 17th. At that moment I felt myself get goosebumps. The reason being that November 17th is the birthday of my late friend Joe Cannava, the friend who got me to write my book. The friend who reminded me that people listened when I spoke. The friend who reminded me that I was funny and how I needed to chase my star.

I have always been a DIY (Do It Yourself) artist. I have always had the need and drive to create my own work. I work best when I can star, write, and direct my own work. Whether it is performing standup/ventriloquism on stage, making my own videos, writing and performing my own music, publishing my own book, and doing the audio version I am that kind of spirit. So is Marty. I had felt intimidated, a fish out of water. But that soon disappeared when I realized that while this was an old, run down office building with barely any heat I was on great terrain. I was on Marty's film set-in Marty's house-and it was a great honor to set foot in a place that was closed off to the public, even the celebrity photogs.

When it came time for me to sing I went in. Lisa was very sweet. She did the chicken dance and was into it. This had been a long few months for everyone and they needed to unwind. The people had fun. That's what this was all about-fun. I wanted to make it good, especially since I had been waiting quite a while to sing. It wasn't because they were being nasty, oh no. It's because they were  wrapping, there was lots to do, and not to mention Allison explained that they never broke on time so this was a first.

Afterwards, I was invited to eat. The food was delicious, Ray had been correct. Allison, bless her, gave me a little extra something for waiting so patiently. I could see the tired beginning to take it's toll on everyone. Marty apparently does not like to take too many breaks. It's not that he's a slave driver. There are millions of dollars at steak. He has a studio to answer to.

Allison then went the extra mile to put me in a van back to the city-bless her heart double.

On my way back I rode with a van full of union extras. Professional extras are an odd bunch. They are background dressing with medical benefits. Many of them theatre trained actors who never translated to film or never made it, they do the extra work for the money to finance the stage career. Extra work is a slippery slope. While you get money you are always an extra. You never move up and are forever pigeon holed and damned to be the plant or the shrub, never to move up. As these people spoke they talked about the various adventures on the set. Apparently Scorsese, who likes the ladies, wanted to do a T and A shot of a lady. She didnt want her behind shown so they hired someone else and the girl thought they were still using her top shot but the extras concurred that this would not be the case. They also spoke of some scantily clad women doing various things on the set and how despite the fact they made their name as scantily clad women they were quite nice.

One of the extras in particular struck me as a diva. I complimented her necklace and she acted like I had insulted her. A few minutes later I heard her speak, in good clipped American speech, about how she had gone to NYU and still coached kids for showcases. My mouth dropped open. Her coaching? But there is an old saying, "Those who can't do, teach." She reminded me of my freshmen year scene study teacher. Maybe they were close friends. But the irony of show business is, someone like this had an ego the size of Texas. They talked about their "career" and their "coaching." They would probably go by their full name like Henrietta Feline Pussycat and demand to be called Ms. Pussycat. They would then believe the world owed them something because they went to NYU's Tisch School of the Arts and then bemoan their higher education because in her words, "It taught me to be an artist and not a working actor."

On the other hand, the true genius, Martin Scorsese, simply goes by Marty. As a poor kid from Queens he grew up in a devoutly Catholic family. He too went to NYU and unlike the diva extra made a fine career for himself. Growing up he was never the pretty kid or the tough guy, he was the slight sickly boy with asthma. But an original thinker who needed to create his own work and think out of the box, he did and has continued to make a name. Maybe he isn't so good at being married-married four times-but he has nonetheless married some beautiful women. I prefer to think I am more like Marty as I jounce around in my jogging clothes and treat everyone like I would like to be treated as I make my life my art. Or maybe I simply want to be like him, a genius. Don't we all?

Either way, Mr. Scorsese, it was a pleasure to come to your house last night. I want to thank your assistants for taking such wonderful care of me. As the singing chicken, I am such a fan of your work. I understand everyone calls your Marty, and it doesn't ruffle your feathers. And I think that is mad cool.

Love
April
I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
877-Buy-Book, www.buybooksontheweb.com
Available on Amazon.com as a paperback and ebook
Available on BarnesandNoble.com as a paperback as an ebook on Nook