Wanna Go Back (Eddie Money)

Peggy Sue Got Married never gets old. I never saw it the whole way through until 2010. That is, until I was cleaning my house for the TLC crew to come film me and my babies. It was a weird point in my life. I had just buried a friend, Chacho, who regrettably lost his battle with addiction. I had a roommate who was like a sister leave me. Suddenly I felt all alone without my live in big sister figure. When I saw that movie, I cried. Not because it's not wonderful, it is, but because we always think. What if.....

Recently, I got a lovely fan letter from a former classmate of mine. He told me how proud he was that I had written a book, and that I was showing all those people who used to make fun of me in high school. For as much time has elapsed since high school ended, sometimes it still hurts. It's weird how the scars remain. While I am not overweight, I still feel like a fat girl. While not by any means unpopular with men, sometimes I want to crawl into a corner because one asked me out as a joke again. While I don't struggle with cystic acne anymore, I still freak when I get a blemish on my face. 

I know my baggage is not unique. Everyone has hang ups about the past. Hindsight is 20/20.

In a positive way, I am doing what I always wanted to do. I talked about being an actress in high school. I am doing it. I talked about being a talk show host. I have done that. While still not with a big network it could happen. I talked about being a comedian. Am doing that. Talked about being a ventriloquist. Oh I am so doing that. 

The crazy thing is, I went to my mall to do a few pics. The girl at the photo place had seen me on TV and felt bad about recognizing me. I told her it was okay. I grew up in the burgh. She could say hi. I actually thought it was cool to be recognized. I think that would have thrown my sixteen year old self for a loop. So would the idea of doing all the things I have done and all the places I have been. I want to go to more though.

I was asked what I would do again if I could do it again recently when a newspaper in my hometown interviewed me in regards to a book signing I was doing. I said I would have done my makeup better in high school.

I also think I would add the following:

1. I would have taken my time and not have been in such a rush.

2. I would not have taken myself so seriously.

3. I would have been more outgoing with guys in college.

4. I wouldn't have worn some of those ugly shoes

5. I wouldn't have been such a Hanson fan that I still know how to spell MMMBop.

6. I would have embraced being a strong, independent woman much sooner. 

Either way, it is about growth. As I start on this next phase, successful career woman, I can say while there are some things I didn't know then and I would do differently with what I know now. However, you can only do the best you can with what you have and the knowledge you have at your finger tips. While maybe I am not going to where I want to as fast as I want to be there, I am getting there.

 Ironically I recently met Kathleen Turner briefly. Later that day someone recognized me from a television appearance based off of my voice. In high school people used to make fun of me for the way I spoke. Guess some things do change. 

Peggy Sue Got Married still makes me cry. I didn't wear waterproof mascara. Some things never change. 

Love

April

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl

www.aprilbrucker.com

Sunday Girl (Blondie)

It is Sunday and I don't know what to do with myself. I should probably clean my damn bunker, I mean apartment. But it is much too nice outside. Usually my Sundays were spent in a recording studio with Archie and Anthony. It was like clockwork. I rolled out of bed, threw on my sweats, and off I went to read like a dyslexic. Okay maybe not that bad but I had my moments. Anyway now that my recording is done and the editing is in progress I am aimless.

Part of me feels like renting a black dude and Dominican for three hours, just because I have been spending every Sunday with a black dude and a Dominican. When I rent them I have to read my book, stumble over my words, and tell a story about a gay porn star friend of mine. The black dude will shake his head and the Dominican will be completely disgusted at the hot mess I call my life. Wait, it won't be the same. I might have to give them both commands.

There is another part of me that feels like brunching with my homos. I haven't done that in so long and it is getting warm again. It will be an excuse to sit outside, laugh, and just smile. I need to hear raunchy stories about their hook ups. JR is coming home in a few months. Perhaps we can get ourselves in trouble with an entire basketball team or something. Part of me wants a boyfriend. Part of me wants a fling. I am not sure but we can all McGiggle about everything. I need a brunch buddy damnit! Or I could brunch with the girls too. Hell I could brunch with everyone.

I feel like a junkie going through withdrawl in some ways. There is a part of me that has so much to do that feels tired. I have to do things for my musical but feel worn out. I don't want to do shit. Of course I need to clean my house. Don't feel like doing that either. I cleaned my bathroom. My common room and bedroom are like a World War II bunker minus the cigarette butts. Oh and then there is some book stuff but I feel like sleeping and hanging out instead.

I also feel lost and worthless. What am I doing with myself? Meanwhile I have just scheduled a book signing at an Ivy League College and got passed to the second phase in a TV pilot project. Not to mention I am writing a musical. But I have also been going through this streak where I have been as bitchy as hell. I find myself ripping on people and being jealous. I have no idea to do neither really. Thing is, I am used to being busy as hell. Now I am less busy and just don't know that to do with myself. So I am simply jealous that they are busier than I am, that's all. Meanwhile once my audiobook comes out and once I get the ball rolling with my musical I won't be able to breathe. Plus I have a huge signing coming up in a month.

I don't know what to do with myself. Already went for a jog. On my jog I saw a sign that was close to the name of the studio I spent all my Sunday's in. I was like holy shiznit. Either God, Allah, Frank the Pink Bunny, or Margot the Dominican Drag Queen is telling me everything is going to be okay, or I have been spending too much time at the studio. I don't know yet.

Maybe I will go brunch with friends whether they are homos or not. That way I can laugh, take a load off, and then I can focus on work. I think I have been working too hard and haven't been having enough fun. A brunch would be a good thing. Plus my body wouldn't hurt so much.

Maybe I will take a yoga class at my gym. Make some new friends and it will eliminate the bitchy streak in my veins.

But the bitchy streak speaks some wisdom. First things first being that if you name your child Destiny, you groom them for failure.

Nonetheless I named my blog Sunday Girl because I met Deborah Harry during my recording time and it was one of the coolest things to happen to me this year.

Anyway watch out for my audiobook and keep me in your prayers or chants or good vibes or whatever the hell you do. Eh, maybe I need to go to church. Haven't been doing that lately cause I have been recording Sundays. I dont know. I will figure it out.

Love

April

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl
Paperback available on Amazon and 877-Buy-Book
E-Book available on Kindle and Nook
Audiobook available on itunes and Audible this Spring
www.youtube.com/aprilthestarr
Portion of proceeds go to Greenpeace