Different

I was thinking yesterday about life. Everyone talks about where they should be at certain points. I am 32. One of the Academy Award Winning Directors was 32. Eh. Does it make me feel like a loser? Yes and no. Yes, he's my age. No, this might be his first and last Oscar. Life is weird that way. Life is like an hourglass: there are times the sand is on your side. There are times it isn't.

The sand has and hasn't been on my side in the course of a year. In 2015, my story made headlines over the world and it looked like I might tour Europe. Months later, I was forced to move under duress with a broken heart. Point being, is that life changes on a dime for better or for worse for all of us. Granted, my self-esteem took a huge hit and it was like wandering in a dark tunnel. WTF?! Life happened, it just wasn't supposed to happen to me, right?

I am hardly a failure. I have accomplished some of what I wanted. Yet at times I feel like I have fallen short. I think we all feel that way though. Last year I was credentialed press at the debates, a big change from being evicted and having my ex's mentally ill sister threaten me. Then this year began with me showcasing at APAP. I also did my show again, and might be doing a run. I am excited. Big change from last year where I felt burnt out from my ordeal and uninspired.

One thing all this has done is made me more confident. I take the stage in a different way. When I was younger I wanted to be liked. Now I don't give a fuck. It's strange. Then someone has shown interest in repping my show for touring and someone else wants to rep me for other things. Nothing is set is stone yet. Both seem like nice people. Whatever happens happens. I also did some things for some other stuff I am being recruited for. Whatever happens happens. I am not breaking my ass. That's for damn sure. If they want me they know where to find me and if they don't want me they can go fuck themselves. Simple as that.

I am also teaching a ventriloquism class. I am excited. It means I am a master. It means I might be able to teach at conventions. I am excited and honored and love the idea. More on that later.

I am writing another book about my adventures, too.

While sometimes the telegrams are slow, they have been picking up full steam. Rent has been paying itself, God willing. I do not want for much, God willing. Other work will hopefully pick up too, God willing. But whatever I do I will do my best, have fun, and treat each show with dignity and respect.

And as I begin my journey as a Universal Life Minister, I know in some ways the world is ending and we are all fucked because I am Bishop Cardinal Brucker. But I also know I am going to be alright.

I know I am going to be alright

I escaped a bad living situation and a mentally ill partner

I escaped a physically abusive partner and an abusive living situation to boot before all that

I escaped meeting the fate that some of my fellows did.

I was not taken this far to be dropped.

Is life better than I thought it would be at this point? Yes and no. Is life worse? Yes and no. Do I have everything I want? Yes and no. Am I getting what I want? Yes, but no, because it's not as fast as I would like it.

So it's different.

But I am happier and more at peace than I have ever been. No award can put a price on that. Because my mental health is good, I have faith everything else will take care of itself.

UnChained Melody (Righteous Brothers)

I want to start by saying I am not what they call a good singer. Although life has a way of making me sing. In drama camp as a kid I just wanted to act but they forced me to sing. I grinned and beared it and eventually it was my favorite class. In high school I auditioned for The Wizard of Oz and ended up getting the lead as the Witch, only to find out I had to sing. I ended up really having a great time and loved the chorus teacher. I was around some kids with great voices. Although I was not one I appreciated what they went through.

College I was mandated to sing as a part of my studio training. I loved my teacher actually. Class was fun and I really learned a lot about the science behind my voice. I never thought I would use it like I did though. Because after college we all know how I supported my career, singing telegrams!

Although I sang daily I never called myself a singer. My bosses assistants have incredible voices. Delta has an amazing range, and Jeanie sings big band which means she has a belt and a half. Over time though, I have learned to work with what I have. Despite the fact I speak like a cartoon character I sing like a man. My voice is low and smoky. Over time, despite my lack of natural vocal ability, I have learned I have two things in my favor. One, the three notes in my range, when I hit them I am not only on pitch but sound amazing. Second, I can take a song and make it my own, good or bad. Either way, it is unique. And when you think of it, most good singers don’t have what they call good voices. They have unique sounds. Billie Holiday breaks every rule there is, either by being off the music or by singing directly from her throat. Rod Stewart, well I love the man but same thing. Most rock singers too. Ethel Merman, she was on her throat a lot. Wowsa.

The other night cause I was bored I decided to have a little fun with Unchained Melody. I did it because why not? I love the song. At first I was afraid to touch it because well, it’s legendary. But then I got bored and figured why not?

My head voice is isn’t there at all, but I have made it my own. It is unique. It is awesome. It is awesomely bad. It is an original interpretive performance. It is letting my fans know that they shouldn’t be afraid to try anything, even if they get a thousand tomatoes thrown at them.

It is mine. Click here to see me role http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UfKOuiDC_R0&list=UU1XhN3fj2pUzvXj7UX-heng&index=1

Love

April

I Came, I Saw, I Sang: Memoirs of a Singing Telegram Delivery Girl

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